Stop Chasing People Who Walked Away: Focus on You and Heal
What's up, wonderful, amazing, sweet, and lovely people?
How are you all doing today? I hope you're having an amazing day, and I hope you've decided to still choose joy.
Welcome back to Maryams Joyful Life!
Today, I want to talk about something that I have personally experienced: trying to hold on to people who have already decided to walk away.
And let me tell you something: I've been there.
I've gotten that low.
I've chased after people who had already made their decision. I've spent energy trying to understand what someone was doing, thinking, saying, or feeling when I should have been focusing on myself.
And honestly?
It sucked.
But I learned from it.
And because I learned from it, I want to encourage someone else who may be going through the same thing.
If someone has walked away from you intentionally, lied about you, hurt you, betrayed you, or made it clear that they no longer want to be part of your life, please don't spend your life chasing them.
Let them go.
Watch the video here:
Enough Is Enough
Sometimes we have to look at ourselves and say, "Enough is enough."
Why are you chasing somebody who walked away from you?
Why are you constantly checking their social media?
Why are you asking mutual friends what they're doing?
Why are you trying to figure out whether they miss you?
Why are you trying to get them back into your life when they have already chosen to leave?
Sis, don't do that.
I know it can be difficult because emotions are real. When you have invested time, love, energy, dreams, and memories into a relationship, walking away can feel like you're losing a part of yourself.
But sometimes walking away is exactly how you find yourself again.
When you continue to hold on to something that is already broken, you don't create peace. You create more confusion.
And the energy you're spending tracking someone else could be energy you're investing into your own future.
Think about what you could accomplish if you redirected all that energy.
You could look for a better job.
You could start exercising.
You could take better care of yourself.
You could learn a new skill.
You could start a business.
You could read books.
You could spend more quality time with your children.
You could dream again.
You could become the person you were meant to become.
There Is a Reason They Became Your Ex
One thing we sometimes forget is that there is usually a reason a relationship ends.
Of course, every situation is different. But if you're honest with yourself, you probably know there were things in that relationship that weren't working.
There were things that hurt.
There were arguments.
There may have been disrespect, disappointment, instability, betrayal, or simply a lack of peace.
Yet sometimes, after the relationship ends, we remember only the good moments.
We start romanticizing the past.
We convince ourselves that maybe it wasn't that bad.
We begin thinking, "Maybe I should call them."
"Maybe I should check on them."
"Maybe they have changed."
"Maybe they miss me."
And before we know it, we're emotionally entangled all over again.
But sometimes God is trying to tell you:
Let it go.
Move forward.
You don't have to keep trying to fix something that is no longer yours to fix.
Stop Giving Your Peace Away
One of the biggest lessons I've learned is that you cannot have peace while constantly worrying about what another person is doing.
If you're always wondering who they're with, where they're going, what they're saying, whether they're thinking about you, or whether they're happier without you, you're giving that person control over your emotions.
They're living their life.
And you're sitting there watching.
That's not peace.
That's emotional exhaustion.
The more you track somebody, the more consumed you become with somebody else's life.
And meanwhile, your own life is waiting for you.
Your goals are waiting.
Your dreams are waiting.
Your children need you.
Your health needs you.
Your future needs you.
You need you.
So shift your focus.
Heal Instead of Replacing Them
And I'm going to say something else that I think is very important.
Don't rush into another relationship just because you're lonely.
Don't immediately find another person to fill the empty space.
You need time to heal.
Sometimes we jump from one relationship to another because we don't want to sit with ourselves.
But if you haven't healed from the last relationship, you may carry those wounds directly into the next one.
You may attract the same patterns in a different person.
You may tolerate the same behavior because it feels familiar.
So instead of rushing into somebody else's arms, take some time to become whole.
Just shut up and heal.
Heal your heart.
Heal your mind.
Heal your confidence.
Heal your finances.
Heal your relationship with yourself.
Heal your relationship with God.
Give yourself permission to become better.
Focus on Becoming Better
When I was going through my own situation, one of the things I wanted was money.
The relationship had created financial problems for me, and I knew I needed to become more stable.
So instead of continuing to spend all my energy worrying about the other person, I had to start thinking about what I wanted for myself.
Sometimes the wrong environment can affect your growth.
When you're constantly dealing with emotional ups and downs, drama, negativity, and uncertainty, it becomes difficult to concentrate on building your future.
Your mind is always somewhere else.
You can't focus.
You can't think clearly.
You're constantly reacting instead of creating.
And eventually, you have to ask yourself:
Is this relationship helping me grow, or is it keeping me stuck?
That question can change everything.
Start Taking Care of Yourself
If you're trying to move on, start taking care of yourself.
Go to the gym.
Take walks.
Get outside.
Watch what you eat.
Get enough rest.
Read books that develop your mind.
Learn something new.
Try a new recipe.
Find a hobby.
Change your wardrobe.
Get your hair done.
Buy yourself something nice.
Take yourself out on a date.
You don't need someone else to validate your worth.
Learn to enjoy your own company.
There is something powerful about being comfortable with yourself.
You don't have to constantly have somebody beside you to prove that you're loved.
You are still valuable when you're alone.
You are still beautiful when you're alone.
You are still worthy when someone chooses not to stay.
And please remember this:
Peace looks good on you.
Joy looks good on you.
Healing looks good on you.
Dream Again
One of the things I want you to do after a breakup or difficult relationship is dream again.
Maybe you've forgotten what you wanted because you spent so much time building your life around another person.
Now it's time to remember.
What did you want before that relationship?
What business did you want to start?
Where did you want to travel?
What career did you want?
What kind of home did you want?
What did you want your finances to look like?
What did you want your life to feel like?
Write those things down.
Create goals.
Read your goals every day.
Visualize yourself accomplishing them.
And then take action.
Maybe you want to become a real estate agent.
Maybe you want to start a business.
Maybe you want to become a travel advisor.
Maybe you want to start creating content.
Maybe you want to go back to school.
Maybe you want to learn something you've always been afraid to learn.
Do it.
Don't worry about who is watching.
Don't worry about who is laughing.
Don't worry about who is talking about you.
That's none of your business.
Your responsibility is to focus on where you're going.
You Are Not Running Out of Options
Sometimes heartbreak makes us believe that the person we lost was the only person in the world.
They're not.
There are other people in this world.
There are other friendships.
There are other opportunities.
There are other possibilities.
There is still life after that relationship.
There is still joy after that disappointment.
There is still success after that failure.
There is still love after heartbreak.
But you can't experience what's next if you're constantly reaching backward.
You cannot move forward while continuously looking behind you.
At some point, you have to say:
"I'm choosing me."
Not because you're bitter.
Not because you hate the other person.
Not because you want revenge.
But because you finally understand that your life is too valuable to spend chasing someone who doesn't want to walk alongside you.
Let Go and Give Yourself Permission to Live
If they walked away, let them walk.
If they chose someone else, let them choose.
If they lied about you, let the truth speak for itself.
If they don't want to communicate with you, stop forcing communication.
If checking their social media keeps hurting you, block them.
If mutual friends keep bringing information about them into your life, create boundaries.
Protect your peace.
You don't have to know everything.
You don't have to know what they're doing.
You don't have to know whether they miss you.
You don't have to know who they're dating.
You don't have to know whether they regret losing you.
Your job is not to monitor their life.
Your job is to live yours.
Take your children out.
Have fun.
Go for a run.
Start that business.
Create the content.
Apply for the job.
Read the book.
Travel.
Laugh.
Pray.
Dream.
Heal.
And most importantly, give yourself permission to become happy again.
Your Best Days Can Still Be Ahead
I know letting go isn't always easy.
Sometimes you have to let go a little bit at a time.
Some days you may feel strong, and other days you may miss the person.
That's okay.
Healing isn't about pretending you never cared.
It's about learning that caring about someone doesn't mean you have to continue giving them access to your life.
You can forgive someone and still move forward.
You can love someone from a distance.
You can appreciate the memories without returning to the same situation.
You can acknowledge what happened without allowing it to define your future.
So if you're reading this today and you're chasing somebody who has already walked away, I want you to stop for a moment.
Take a deep breath.
Look at your life.
Look at your goals.
Look at your children, your future, your dreams, and everything that is still possible for you.
Then ask yourself:
"What would happen if I took all the energy I've been using to chase them and poured it back into myself?"
Imagine that.
Your life could change.
So, wonderful, amazing, sweet, and lovely people, this is your reminder:
**Stop chasing.
Start healing.
Start growing.
Start dreaming again.
Start living.**
You have a life to live.
And as long as you've got a pulse, there is still something you can do with your life.
Choose yourself.
Choose peace.
Choose joy.
And keep moving forward.
This is Maryams Joyful Life.
And remember: your joy is still worth choosing.
